Paranormal Restraining Orders
Keep them away!
Since the dawn of time, mankind has sought the means of keeping away supernatural and paranormal entities. Now, for only $5 each, receive a printed document that bars them from approaching or contacting you.
God
Never fear The Lord's wrath again!
"In the fire of his jealousy the whole world will be consumed, for he will make a sudden end of all who live in the earth." ...except you.
Satan
Get thee away from me!
Accused of hexing your neighbors again? Prohibit Satan from whisking you away for a night of debauchery. Never again be accused of consorting and conspiring with him.
Aliens
Leave your tin hat at home without worry!
Are they still tracking you? Get an injunction to remain unprobed and free from their unwanted advances.
Death
Fear not the reaper!
Do you want to live forever? Keep Death from stalking you, with a temporary injunction.
David Letterman
Never be hip-mo-tised by David Letterman again!
Is he sending subliminal messages to you too? Known for his severe mental cruelty and insincere marriage proposals, finally be released from his mental harassment and hammering.
Loch Ness Monster
Relieve your anxiety while swimming (in fresh-water)!
No longer fear that Nessie will approach within 100 yards again.
Should you get a restraining order?
A restraining order can be a powerful tool to help you keep yourself safe from an abusive paranormal entity, however, it is not your only choice and there are limitations to what a restraining order can do. A restraining order is not right for everyone in every situation and it cannot guarantee your safety.
Making the decision to apply for a restraining order can be very difficult, but it must be your decision. The following lists may help you decide whether a restraining order against a paranormal entity is the right choice for you.
- Reasons to get a restraining order:
- It may make you feel more confident because you are taking control of the situation
- It can encourage authorities to help protect you from the paranormal entity
- To establish an official record of the abuse and activity
- To allow you to enjoy activities with less threat of harm
- Remember, a restraining order cannot guarantee:
- your personal safety
- the paranormal entity won't still be able to intimidate or scare you
- the safety and welfare of your family
- the paranormal entity will be out of your life
- the paranormal entity won't destroy property that may be irreplaceable
- the paranormal entity will seek counseling or other means help
How do you know that you're in an abusive relationship?
It is important to remember that abuse in relationships often starts out fairly mild and then escalates over time. Even if the abuse does not escalate, it is important to remember that no one has the right to abuse you in any way. If you find yourself in a situation where such behaviors are occurring, this may be a warning signal to you that the entity is, or may become, dangerous to you.
- Signs that you may be in a relationship with an abusive paranormal entity are:
- You frequently worry about how they will react to things you say or do
- Your family and friends have warned you about them, or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being
- You leave and then return to them repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family, and loved ones
- You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do
- You may need protection from an abusive paranormal entity if they:
- Are jealous or possessive toward you (a primary symptom of abusive relationships)
- Try to control you, often by being very bossy or demanding
- Try to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships
- Pressure you sexually, or demand sexual activities you are not comfortable with
- Have a history of bad relationships
- Are violent and/or lose their temper quickly
- Shame, humiliate, or embarrass you, either privately or around family and friends
- Claim that you are responsible for their emotional state (a criteria for co-dependency)
- Blame you when they mistreat you
- Abuse drugs or alcohol
Order Now!
Only $5 each (+$1 S&H)
To receive your Paranormal Restraining Order with your name, simply fill out the information below and submit payment information via Credit Card or Paypal (transactions processed by Paypal).
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