Frequently Asked Questions
- Is this serious?
- Yes and No. Yes, you will be sent a paranormal restraining order against God (Death, Satan, etc.). No, it will not have any jurisdiction over Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, Satan, Death, and/or Aliens. David Letterman and God don't even take my calls.
- Is this for real?
- No. It is further proof that paranormal entities are interfering with your mind. You need to get a paranormal restraining order immediately. Order now!
- Will you really send me a paranormal restraining order against God (Death, Satan, etc.)?
- Will you seriously mail a paranormal restraining order against God (Death, Satan, etc.) to me?
- Yes, already!
- If I order it, I'm really going to get a paranormal restraining order against God (Death, Satan, etc.)?
- YES! Stop asking and order now!
- OMG! TISF! ROFLOL! WTF?
- Exactly, my friend. Exactly.
- It is a serious offense to mock God.
- That's not exactly a question.
- Don't you believe in God?
- Yes. Of course I do. Isn't this site proof enough?
- Aren't you afraid that God will strike you down?
- Why doesn't anyone worry about pissing off Satan, Bigfoot, or David Letterman? Seriously though, God can't smite me, I've taken out a paranormal restraining order against him (Death too, just to hedge my bets). But just in case, you should order now, before He gets to me (In the event of my demise my next of kin will fulfill all remaining orders).
- Why did you get a restraining order from God? Don't you know that he loves you?
- I know God loves me, but He's jealous, He doesn't understand that my relationship with Buddhism isn't a threat to Him, and quite frankly I got tired of His homophobia.
- Where are you?
- On a small sphere of dirt and water that's hurtling through space around a smallish yellow star in an unfashionable arm of the galaxy. Or did you mean more meta-physically?
- What is your mailing address?
- Our mailing address can be requested through our contact page. (There are an awful lot of kooks out there.)
- What are you doing now?
- Waiting for the inevitable book deal.
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